also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
