Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
