Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize