Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
