Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
