a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
