I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
