Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
