He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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