How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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