Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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