Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
