I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
