I looked at my own cervix.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize