some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
