Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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