So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
