I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
