kristin has been a bad kristin
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
