I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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