You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize