All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
