My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
