Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
