i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
