We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just high enough for therapy.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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