Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
