Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
