Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize