I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
