PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
