I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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