alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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