You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
