Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
