his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize