party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
