we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
