So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
