Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
