Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hippo gnu deer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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