I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
