when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she told me i tasted like america
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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