I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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