sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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