I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
