Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
