PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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