my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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