I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I will pee on everything he values.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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