True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
