i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
