tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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