Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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