I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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