I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
