you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
