Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
