I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
