A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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