i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize