she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
