Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
