Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
