yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
