he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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