I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
