I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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