It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
