At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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