and she was petting her beer can
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
