I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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