I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
COCAINE IS GR8
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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