I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
