the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
