i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
