first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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