clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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