the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
