When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize