let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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