This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
